http://sundrania.com/ Random Stuff Land Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:32:24 -08:00 http://backend.userland.com/rss/ Jokes Jokes admin@sundrania.com admin@sundrania.com en http://sundrania.com/images/logo.gif http://sundrania.com/ 144 80 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=391 Q.Why does Tigger smell so bad?A.Because he plays with pooh!    Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:53:42 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=391 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=390 Why We Love Children1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....''What?''I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....''WHAT?''I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....''WHAT!''When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven'ssake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:'The big sissy.' 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for thechildren's sermon.All the children were invited to come forward.One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-onmicrophone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.''I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.' 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?'The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.' 10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?'Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,eating a snack cake The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.' Fri, 8 Aug 2008 06:19:01 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=390 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=389 Four nuns, on a bus, in South America runs off a cliff killing all four of them. The next thing they realize they're standing before St.Peter at the gates to heaven. St.Peter points at the 1st nun and says in a stern voice,"Sister have you sinned?" She lowers her head and shakes it up and down and says, "I saw one once upon a time." St.Peter tells her to go over to the holy water and to wash her eyes out! The whole time, the 4th nun is tugging on the robe of the 3rd nun whispering frantically,"hey, come on and trade places with me.....come on, please,..Oh hurry up, come on..." and before anything else could be said, St.Peter points at the 2cd nun and thunders,"sister have you sinned?" She lowered her head and shook it up and down and said in a nervous voice,"I felt of one, but just one time." St.Peter told her to go over to the holy water and to wash her hands!! Well, the 4th nun starts up frantically tugging at the 3rd nuns robe again and whispering,"come on and trade places with me,,,hurry up!!" The 3rd nun turns around and says in a quiet voice,"why do you want me to trade places with you?" The 4th nun looks her right in the eye and said,"I just wanted to wash my mouth out before you stuck your dirty ass in that water!!!!!"The429Kid Thu, 7 Aug 2008 13:40:10 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=389 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=388 Why do dogs lick themselves??? A/ Because they don't have any thumbs!!! The429Kid Thu, 7 Aug 2008 12:59:57 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=388 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=387 Q. What's big, and long, and black, and hard, and full of seamen??? A. Why it's a submarine, of course!!!!! The429Kid Thu, 7 Aug 2008 12:55:03 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=387 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=386 An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife: "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind?""Yes," she says, "I remember it well.""OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.""Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks: 'I've got to see this...two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so's there's no trouble.”So he follows the old couple behind the tavern.They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about for minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.This is the most athletic sex imaginable.Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks: “That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.” So, as the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?""No, there's no secret," the old man says," except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric." Thu, 7 Aug 2008 03:05:46 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=386 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=385 Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?A: They're both empty from the neck up.Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.Q: What does a blonde owl say?A: What, what?Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?A: To see what was on the other side.Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?A: In case she locks the keys in her car.Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.Q: Why did God create blondes?A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.Q: Why did God create brunettes?A: Neither could the blondes.Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?A: To turn the blinker off.Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?A: Because it kept falling out.Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.Q: How do you confuse a blonde?A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.Q: Why does it work?A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Fri, 1 Aug 2008 15:53:48 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=385 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=384 The police found the dead body off a blonde and started to investigate her death they finnaly narrowed it down to five suspects, the first one told them that he had never seen her in his life and it was the thruthsohe was let go, the second one said she was her best friend and she was telling the truth so she was let go also, the third one said that all he said to her was "go jump off a cliff and do me a favour why don't ya".He was sent to jail for thirty years for blonde murder          Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:41:54 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=384 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=383 What's dumber than three brunettes trying to build a house under water? A,. Three blondes trying to burn it down!!!    The429Kid Tue, 29 Jul 2008 04:05:54 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=383 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=382 On a high hill top just outside of town sat a small house that had a red light on the front porch. There were three men in and/or around the house, the first man was running up the hill toward the house, the second man was in the house, and the third man was meandering down the hill away from the house. What is the Nationalety of the three men?The first man, running up the hill toward the house, he be a Rushen.The second men, the one in the house, Himalayen.The third man, meandering down the hill away from the house, he be Finish. Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:27:50 -08:00 http://sundrania.com/modules/weblog/details.php?blog_id=382