A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place.
While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

Who would win a race between an Elephant and a Dickfore.
What's a dickfore!! Bend over and I'll show you.

What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head? A brunette with bad breath!!!!!       The429Kid

Well, due to an unfortunate string of accidents, all nine members of Slipknot had an unfortunate accident with time; they all suddenly started aging rapidly. After it stopped, some members were luckier than others; Mick Thomson had ended up being aged 67, whereas Sid Wilson ended up aged 2054. As Corey Taylor stumbled up, he asked if everyone was OK; and asked everyone how old they felt. When he came to the last person, Jim Root, he asked, and Jim Root replied "I feel like I'm 555". So Corey Taylor said: "Well, If you're 555, then I'm 666!"

For people who don't understand the joke: "If you're 555, then I'm 666!" is a famous phrase from Slipknot's song 'The Heretic Anthem'.    lol

Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?

A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?

A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

A: Some traffic signs say stop.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?

A: "Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?

A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q: What do blondes say after sex?

A: "Thanks, guys!"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?

A: "Daddy! can I go to Miami!

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

A: Blow in her ear.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

A: There are some things even a blonde won't do.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?

A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

a cuple where going to have a baby and the ners said the way u can have the baby faster is to have sex. so that did and they didn't stop even thow she was having the baby. as the baby came out it grabed the mand willy and in sherted it in to its vigina and the man said u have a very small vigina till he rilised the baby was having sex with him.            

A blonde a brunette and a red head were in driving around in a car when a police officer pulled them over. There was 3 potatoe sacks in the back. Each girl jumped into 1. The police officer came up to the window and saw the 3 potatoe sacks in the back. He went over to the potatoe sacks and kicked the first 1 the brunette went roof roof and the police officer said wow that is a big dog. Then he went to the 2 1 he kicked that 1 also the red head went meow meow and the police officer said wow that is a big cat. He went to the last one and kicked it the blonde went POTATOE POTATOE!!!

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."   

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.  

what do people say after they have been round-house kicked by chuck norris?   

no one knows cuz dead men tell no tales.